Okay, let me preface this post letting you all know I CANNOT WAIT FOR ALASKA! I'm honestly truly excited. But I've finally had my "oh-dear-god-what-am-i-doing-with-my-life-i'm-insane" day.
Last night I went out for a wonderful night with friends, went to a frat party (really not my scene in most situations, but I was out with some really good friends, so I let this one slide), but a number of things began going not the right way with finding out some un-fun news after a few beers... I had a strange night. I then spent the following day (today) packing my house and slowly sifting through the silly things I've been collecting through college, making a going-away pile, a trash pile, and a VERY SMALL keep pile... thoughts were just racing through my head about the past, present, and future.
Then I was watching America's Got Talent and following all these people reaching their dreams and being cut off from their dreams and I just started crying. My first thought was, "This must be what it feels like to be a pregnant woman..." It was that bad. So I was like, "Okay Eric, chill out, get down to work." So I turn my Grooveshark account on shuffle and of course there is a series of "The Luckiest" from Ben Folds (My go-to sad song), "I Am" from Next To Normal the musical (always good for a decent cry), followed by "Do You Know What It's Like?" from Zanna, Don't! the musical (again, great for a good cry) and what happenes? I'm suddenly a MESS.
My brain just kept thinking about college and how amazing these past four years have been, the present- packing and "throwing away" my memories in a way, and the future- being in Alaska away from my family (minus Issa and Jaime), Shannon being in Texas, Kellen in Indiana, Kelsey in Africa, so many friends back in Kalamazoo and I just lost it. I never cry. There are not many people who have seen me cry... but today, it all came out.
I praise the Lord in Heaven that Erin Kaplan answered her phone, Kellen Story gave me a good talk, and Christine Davenport joined me for my evening and turned my day around. But man-oh-man was I a raw rubber ducky today. But you know, the cry really helped me settle things in my mind a little.
To begin, college is over. Okay. Breathe Eric. College is over.
College was just so... easy for me. I don't know how else to put it. It was just natural, like I just knew what to do. I mean... there's not really a crazy science to it, but I guess I have felt in complete control of my fate in most situations through college. Sure I had my heartbreaks and made my mistakes, but I also did so many awesome things, met so many awesome people, and discovered and brought out the real me. It just felt like I knew which path to take and always found those open doors the second one shut. So maybe easy isn't the word for it. It felt... comfortable.
So okay, where am I going with this? College is over. Great, my stomach has settled.
So now, real world. Paying off loans, trying to find a job, striving for my dream as a professional actor that "changes the world." Well, this is where I had my "omigod" moment. "Change the world." WHY DO I SET THE BAR SO HIGH FOR MYSELF?! Haha, I mean, it's more of a metaphorical statement than anything. But "omigod" that's why I'm going to Alaska.
Why going to Alaska is "omigod" totally the path I need to take right now:
A) I'll be back with Issa and Jaime, my best friends and biggest inspiration.
B) I'm doing something valuable- I'm not just playing... I'm helping a worthy cause for people who need a hand.
C) I'm learning. I never want to stop learning, and this next year is about learning more about myself, the world, and the people I share this beautiful planet with.
D) I'm young. I have so much time. Right now is when I need to fly to Alaska for a year and dogsled, make igloos, and eat fresh snowcrab!
E) I need this. I need a challenge. I need to grow up. I'm not a kid anymore.
I am so glad I started this blog. I needed to write that out.
I'm so scared. I'm so nervous. I'm so excited. MRAH!
I'm leaving a city that has been my home for four years. I'm leaving friends who have taught me how beautiful life and the human spirit can be. I'm leaving a three hour car ride to family gatherings, emergencies, and holidays. I'm leaving a college that showed me I'm smart, confident, talented, and passionate. I'm leaving Waldo's pitchers, student ghetto porch hopping, and theatre parties.
But I'm flying to the land of possibilities. Who knows what will happen in Alaska, perhaps it will be the worst year of my life... but maybe it will be the BEST year of my life. Game on. Let's do the damn thing.
Long entry... I hope you enjoyed my rant. :)
Alaska Fun Fact: Alaska is the only state to have coastline on three different seas: Pacific Ocean, Arctic Ocean, and Bering Sea
